Tuesday, April 16, 2013

Letting Go and Letting God-19 weeks

I have had as easy of a pregnancy that I could have asked for so by no means am I complaining. There are some women who love being pregnant and some who don't. If my temperament was different, I would probably be someone who loved being pregnant but I don't hate it. I have found that being pregnant is not the easiest thing for a woman who can be some what of a control freak. You really do have to let things go and trust that God has a plan. It also doesn't help that I have a natural tendency to worry. 

From the time I found out I was pregnant, my mind has been racing with questions such as "What if the baby has a developmental disorder?" "What if the baby is physically deformed?" "What if the baby develops autism later in life?" When I would ask these questions, my mom would always respond, you will still love the baby regardless and she is right. It is just incredibly hard to not know for nine months. 

At my last appointment, my doctor asked if I was interested in having a quad screen performed. This is a blood screening test that compare a number of different factors (age, ethnicity, results from the test) and it estimates what the chances of having an abnormality. This test does not diagnose the problem but will signal that further testing should be done. When presented with the opportunity, my doctor told me based off my age, health, medical history, etc. it wasn't necessary but if it would ease my mind, then I can get it done. After talking to Adam, we decided to move forward with it. This morning, I got the results and everything came back normal which was a huge relief for me. I know that something else could potentially be wrong with baby which is fine, but just having that small bit of reassurance is nice.

As I am inching closer to that half-way mark, I have grown increasingly homesick and emotional. Between Adam not being here this summer for his internship, my family being so far, and my established hatred for being by myself, I am going to be a mess this summer.

I sometimes wonder if we should have waited longer to be closer to family. I am scared family won't visit us and they won't develop a relationship with this new addition. By no means do I regret being pregnant and I need to keep reminding myself that there is no "perfect" time to have a baby but I definitely think things could be easier if we had family closer. 

Not as much of a fun post as the last one where I showcased our love of a stroller, but I hope to look back at this and see how I was feeling at certain points. 

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