Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Selfish Newlywed

My first post in this blog I discussed my current work situation and how I am not completely satisfied by it. When I say satisfaction, I am not talking about money or benefits, but what I am taking away from the position. On a regular basis I ask myself if I have learned anything new about myself or about the industry, and on a pretty regular basis the answer is "I have learned this is not where I want to be." In my current role, I have never once answered, "Yes, even though I secretly cried after a student yelled at me and I have two meetings this evening and a paper to write for graduate school, I still love what I do and wouldn't trade it." While that answer doesn't specifically apply to my current position but very much so with my last position, I still want to know and see how far I can be pushed and see what I can handle.

I know I should be happy that I have a job. I get it. The economy sucks, there are millions of people without work, I have a nice home, a great husband, great friends, great family, etc. but I want more. I know this sounds selfish, but I want more out of my career. My current job is not a career and I view it as just a job. But when do I just give it up and be content with my current work situation. It is hard for me to be content when I spend approximately 36% of my waking hours at a job that I don't like and feel that I am not making a difference. I blame this on my parents for raising me too well. I could care less if I make more money, but I want to know that at the end of the day, I have made a difference. I think it is great that my parents instilled this philosophy in me: money isn't important, helping people and making a difference is.

Even though we are settled in, I am still applying for jobs elsewhere. Adam is a blessing and still tells me to go for it if I will be happier. I just feel that everything else in my life is essentially seamless and perfect, but my job situation isn't. Am I being selfish? Do I want to much or have too high of expectations? Is it bad to want a well-rounded life and career?

1 comment:

  1. Thinking of you! I can legitimately say "I've been there"--and you are NOT being selfish! But I do wish I would have appreciated my situation more when I was at my old job. I miss the strict 40 hour/week schedule, the low stress and more casual environment. My frustrations with my current job are just different...but work always has its frustrations. Good luck continuing with your job search!