1 Month Old

My Dear Caroline! This past month your father and I have embarked on an incredible journey with you joining our little family! Words cannot describe the happiness and love you have brought to us already! Along with the joy you have brought us, it has also been one of the most challenging months we have faced as well!

I already get sad to see how much you have changed since you were born! From day 1, you have always been an alert, bright eyed baby and as you got bigger and older, you have not missed a thing!

Your one month appointment isn't for another week but I had you weighed at a breastfeeding support group and you were 8 pounds 11 oz! Woohoo! I know you are also growing in length as well because your newborn sleepers are becoming too short!

Your very first picture! 

Getting to hold you for the first time!

Meeting Grandpa Murphy the first time!

Meeting Nana the first time!

Cuddle time at the hospital!

Our first outing with dad! You slept through the whole thing...

...but everyone thought you were so cute!

We love our mornings together at home!

You like to make the silliest faces when being burped!

Playing with Grandma all week!

At your first doctor's appointment. You were only five days old!

Looking cute in polka dots! You love sitting up in your Boppy pillow!

I love snapping pictures of you sleeping!

Your activity mat is one of your favorites! You never look straight up but always to the sides...

...so we set up your black and white pictures around the mat for you to look at! You love your black and white pictures!

You also like to make silly faces at mommy!

Sitting up in your Boppy again!

I was finally able to capture one of your sweet smiles. Your Grandpa Murphy says it is just you making faces because of gas but I think you are thinking happy thoughts!

We risked going out to dinner with you awake the WHOLE time and you did so well!

Hanging out with dad watching the Chiefs game...

...but you liked hanging out with Mom more! Go Pack Go!

We started tummy time!

You were baptized!

Challenges:

• Breastfeeding was much harder than I thought it would be but I was determined. 
• Our first night home was ROUGH! Between our challenges with breastfeeding and us not knowing what we were doing, we barely got any sleep! You have always liked to snuggle and that first night all you wanted to do was sleep in our arms!
• My C-Section has made things a little more difficult than I thought it would be. As much as we take walks throughout the day, I am ready to be more active and get into shape!
• Keeping our home picked up has been difficult! I try to do this when you are sleeping but that isn't always easy! 
• When you were about 2.5 weeks old, both your dad and I started getting sick with a sinus infection! Having both parents sick makes it more difficult to take care of you!

Successes (these may be simple but I have to celebrate the small successes!):

• We were able to really get the hang of breast feeding at about 1.5 weeks! Woohoo!
• I have showered every day since you were born! This may seem ridiculous but it makes me feel more human! I usually grab a quick shower mid-morning when you are down for a nap and I just bring your monitor into the bathroom with me!
• I was able to complete my thank-you notes by three weeks! 
• I try to venture out a couple times a week wearing real clothes and doing my hair and make-up. This also makes me feel more human!
• At about five days old I realized you weren't getting enough milk. Once I started feeding you more through nursing and from pumped milk, you start sleeping A LOT better! From that point on, you usually sleep for about 4-5 hour stretches at night, wake up for a feeding and to be changed, and then go back to sleep for another four hours! We have been very blessed that at night, you don't wake up every 2 hours!
• Having you has made your dad and I even closer and has made us work more together as a team. We have settled into a routine when it comes to feedings, changing you, when you wake up in the middle of the night, etc. 
• Our first road trip. You pretty much slept the whole way. We would stop every couple hours so I could feed you. Even when you were awake in your carseat, you were still very happy!

Your month of firsts:

• Pretty much everything, you slept through!
• As soon as you are in the car, you fall asleep!
• You slept through your first lunch out with mom and dad!
• Your first walk in your stroller!
• And through your first time at church!
• And your first visit to my office!
• You also had your first road trip for your baptism in Missouri! You traveled really well and met so many new people!

What I couldn't live without:

• The first few nights at home you loved to be swaddled. Luckily we had some Swaddlers given to us that we used!
• The Medela Pump In style Advanced. I really liked the bag we got because the pump is removable and not built into the bag. 
• Aden and Anais Swaddle Blankets-we actually have never swaddled you in these but they are the perfect weight and are super soft! We use these all the time!
• Mult-use pads-these have saved your sheets and mattress from accidents and spit up multiple times! 
• Old school cloth diapers-We use these ALL the time and have a few in each room. These serve as burp cloths, wiping up spit up, when I am nursing you, etc. We pretty much use these for everything. I don't even hardly use "burp cloths" because these are so much bigger and work so well!

What makes You, You!

• When you eat, you hold your hands as if you are praying!
• You have never liked sleeping on your back but have always liked sleeping on your side! In fact, your second day home, when you were put down on your back, you rolled to your side!
• Your crazy hair that we love! As much as I try to tame it, there is no point because it always goes back to spikey!
• Your BIG blue eyes! You have been so alert since the day you were born!
• The cooing noises you make when you sleep and eat!
• The smiles you make when you sleep!
• You love to snuggle with me! You can always find a place on my chest to rest your head and I could sit with you like that all day if I could!
• You love to be propped up and look around at things. We often wonder what you are staring at sometimes and what you are thinking! 
• You also love to look at your black and white pictures, faces, and bright colors!
• We know you are hungry because you are constantly sucking on your fist or on a few fingers!

My Essential Items as a New Mom!

By no means do I have this parenting/mothering thing down yet but what I can give you is advice and a  list of items that I wouldn't have been able to live without these past couple weeks!

My hospital bag:

• Toiletry items: The hospital provided shampoo and soap but I felt more like myself if I could use my own items!
• Make-up: Yes, I even attempted to do my make-up while in the hospital. That didn't last long!
• A robe-After I delivered and could move around more, I wore my robe a lot. It provided more coverage and, again, made me feel like I wasn't just wearing a hospital gown.
• Slippers-when walking around the hospital
• My going home outfit-a nursing tank, sweatpants, a jacket, and flip flops! That was it. To be honest, I packed underwear but didn't even wear what I brought because the hospital provided me with some. And trust me, you will want to use theirs!
• Lanolin Nipple Cream-It is best if you start this early if you plan on breastfeeding. 

I brought my iPad and I had my phone. We also had a camera, of course! You will also want to bring your own pillow!

When leaving the hospital, take as much stuff home with you as you can! We were able to take home:

• Two days worth of diapers!
• Travel-size baby bath items
• A tub for giving a bath
• Nasal aspirator
• A brush for washing her hair and another brush for combing her hair
• Gauze wipes
• Sanitary pads for me (I didn't even use all of the ones I took)
• A couple pairs of extra disposable underwear for me!

Surviving the first month items!

• A good water bottle! I drank a ton of water when I was pregnant but it was still important to keep my water intake up in order to keep my breast milk supply up as well!
• Granny panties! Sorry but you will want them! Regardless if you have a c-section or not, you will want underwear you don't care about. I bought a cheap pack from Target that came up higher than I normally wear. This was great since I had a c-section so they wouldn't rub against my incision. 
• If you are breastfeeding, nursing tanks and nursing sleep bras. I wore/wear these all the time! I had a couple before she was born and I am grateful for my mom buying me several more when she visited! I either wore the tank on its own if I was just hanging out at home. Sometimes I would throw a t-shirt over it. Everything I have I got from Target and they have worked great!
• Nipple Shield-This has been a lifesaver for us! I haven't needed this because of cracked nipples but I won't got into detail on why I need this either! I was given this at the hospital to aid in starting breastfeeding so I haven't had to buy any yet!

2 Weeks Postpartum

I knew after having a baby I would be feeling a wide range of emotions between my hormones and exhaustion; I just didn't know they would be so strong. There are days (usually when I don't see Adam all day) where I just don't feel human-not being able to shower until noon or wear real clothes and I am running off of four hours of sleep and all I want to do is cry.

Luckily, I think I have passed the point now as we are starting to settle into some sort of routine. It also helps that we have FINALLY gotten the hang of breastfeeding (WOOHOO!) I had pretty much reached the point of just exclusively pumping until I realized she was going through a growth spurt and I could barely keep up with her demands. So, one night, after one of the most tiring days we have had together, I just decided to try again and we were successful-had no issues! She latched on right away and we have been pretty much smooth sailing ever since. Breastfeeding was something I really wanted to do because it is best for her and for me but I never realized it would be so difficult. Everyone told me the first two weeks are the hardest and then after that it is a breeze which is exactly what happened with us. We still give her a bottle every so often if Adam wants to feed her, we are out and about, if she still needs a little more after nursing but so far it the combination of bottle-feeding and breastfeeding hasn't confused her at all!

Some updates on me:
-Weight loss-19 pounds (3 more to go). I had to go to the doctor for something five days after delivery and I was already 14 pounds down. I think breastfeeding has a lot to do with my weight loss and I started to retain A LOT of water in the last month and now that a lot of my swelling has gone down I think that contributed to some of the weight loss too.
-This brings me to my next point/advice for pregnant women: Your swelling gets worse before it gets better. I remember several nurses commenting on how swollen my feet and ankles were and me making the comment "I know! I can't wait until I deliver so the swelling goes down!" Each of them would reply with something along the lines of "Oh, it will get worse before it gets better!" and they were right! But after about a week post-partum I was able to wear my wedding ring again (after about a month and a half of not being able to) and shortly after, wear my normal shoes again!
-I am still wearing maternity pants (blah) for two reasons: My c-section incision is still kind of sore so my regular jeans aren't the most comfortable. Also, even though my weight gain is pretty much gone, my stomach is still kind of stretched out so my jeans don't quite look right.

When I reflect on my pregnancy, I wanted to provide a list of things I couldn't live without and things that I thought were a waste of money:

• I took Tums almost everyday before I went to bed for the last month and a half. I didn't have bad heartburn but really bad acid reflux-I had a burning sensation in my throat which made trying to sleep difficult. Tums were a lifesaver!
• Heating Pad-Towards the end of my pregnancy I felt a lot of lower back pain. Come to find out, it is because of how she was positioned (which lent to my difficult labor) instead of being positioned face down, she was face up which means her back was resting my lower back. The only relief I could get from it was a heating pad both at home and at the hospital. 
• Bananas-I ate a ton of bananas. I think this helped with not having as many leg cramps throughout the night. If I at a banana a day, I was in pretty good shape.
• Cereal bars-In my first trimester and the end of my third trimester, I would wake up in the middle of the night hungry. It was much easier to keep a cereal bar in my night stand for me to eat real quick in bed then getting up to get something.
• I don't think a pregnancy body pillow is necessary. It was just as easy to position a bunch of regular pillows. Plus I have more freedom to do what I want with them and the pregnancy pillows are HUGE and take up too much room!
• Palmers cocoa butter for stretch marks-I have written about this before but if you are going to get stretch marks, you are going to get them. I could bathe in that stuff or apply 10 times a day and I still would have gotten them so I don't know if it was necessary!

Overall, I had a pretty low-maintence pregnancy so I didn't require a lot of "things" to make me comfortable.

Being a new mother is definitely an adjustment! I have never watched more TV, wore more sweatpants, and have been more tired. When I have the chance and I do venture beyond our apartment, I do make the effort to feel human (actually do my hair, makeup, and wear real clothes) because the last thing I want is to fall into a "slump." With all of the changes, it is hard for me to get too frustrated with my "new" life when I look at her and am still in disbelief that Adam and I created her because she is so remarkable!

Our first few days as a family of three

Needless to say, our lives have completely changed in an amazing way. I have heard that you will never know how much your parents love you until you become a parent yourself and I now understand what that means.

Her fist picture! She has been bright-eyed ever since!

My first picture with her. Although I still look drugged up, I was in complete heaven with her in my arms. 

She has completely stolen Adam's heart. 

When I was first able to meet Caroline, it was the most incredible feeling. The feeling was almost unreal. I think between my lack of sleep, the drugs I was on, the adrenaline from the experience, and her actually being here, I was kind of floating in this euphoria. I remember looking at her, and still do, thinking how amazing she was and I couldn't stop looking at her.

When we were finally able to come home is when it felt more real and not in a bad way. We were finally able to settle into our new life together without nurses and doctors around. We have been fortunate to have my mom with us for our first week back. I am especially thankful for this since having a c-section. She has helped us get up at night with Caroline, make us meals, and just simply enjoy being a grandma with her.

The lack of sleep has obviously been an adjustment. Between that and my hormones going crazy, I have been very emotional and at times questioning if I am doing everything I can to be a good mother. This feeling is especially strong when it comes to breastfeeding.

All of my friends who exclusively breastfeed have told me that the first two weeks are the most difficult but if you can push through, it will be a breeze. I am not sure what I was expecting from it and I went in knowing it wouldn't be easy right away. What I find most difficult is remaining calm and not letting my exhaustion take over when she is crying, I am trying to position myself, etc. Adam has really been incredible with me during this and does whatever he can to make it easier for me.

The other piece we have been struggling with is sleep. We knew we weren't going to get a lot of it but what has been difficult is she will fall asleep fairly easily but when we put her down, she wakes up and starts fussing and crying within about 10 minutes. I do not want her to get used to being held while she sleeps so I think this is going to be another phase that we have to push through with her.

Her first night home, I was paranoid about having her sleep on her own in her crib in a different room. The "what ifs" started flooding my mind. What if she chokes on her spit up? What if we don't hear her cry? Again, what made this worse was my lack of sleep. Her second night at home has been much easier for me and she is actually sleeping better in her crib.

Between the lack of sleep and the difficult time breastfeeding, I feel like I have had a fairly good attitude. There are times when I am holding her or when she nestles into her spot on my chest, that I am overwhelmed with how grateful to God I am for her and I still cannot believe she is mine. I will give up several sleepless nights to have that feeling with her.

Caroline Elizabeth...Her Birth Story

I want to get this down before I start losing the details. In fact, I started jotting some of it down while in the hospital. Bear with me as this is a really long post but that is what happens when you are in the hospital for two days before actually having the baby!

I was warned that being induced could mean a long day(s) and they were right.

At my 41 week appointment my doctor suggested induction because after 41 weeks, the placenta can start deteriorating and fluid levels can start getting low. Both of which can be harmful to the baby.

We moved forward with schedule the induction for September 19. The nice thing about having it scheduled is that I can prepare: Get caught up on laundry, do last minute cleaning, etc. The downside of having it scheduled is that it give me time to think and Google (which is not always my friend). The evening before getting induced, my mind was racing with thoughts of "Did I make the right decision for scheduling an induction? What if something goes wrong? What if I need a C-section?" Between my mind racing with these thoughts and the anxiousness of knowing that we could meet our baby girl very soon, I got about two hours of sleep before going to the hospital that morning.

We needed to be checked in by 6:30 so I set an alarm of 5:30. I did some last minute packing, ate a light breakfast, and we were off.

When I first checked in and was hooked up to everything, I was checked and was 1 cm dilated and 50% effaced. They started me on cervigel at 8:00 am which is supposed to soften the cervix and possibly help it dilate. Adam and I did a lot of walking around the birth center and I dosed in and out sleep. After about 30 minutes of receiving it, I was definitely starting to feel more lower back and abdomen pain which made me hopeful that it would work.

At 12:00, they checked me and I was dilated to 1.5 cm, still 50% effaced, but the baby's head was lower. My nurse said this was good news and for first time moms, the first five centimeters take the longest to get to.

At 12:30, I received my second dose of the cervigel in hopes it would help soften and ripen the cervix more before starting the pitocin. I was able to sleep for about another hour, walked a half an hour, Adam wanted to take a nap, and so I was left to watching HGTV, and scoping out Pinterest.

At 4:30, I was checked again and had dilated to 2 cm and my cervix had become "more favorable." I was then given Pitocin (which I was completely freaked out by) and away we went. I have read horror stories about how women will get Pitocin and have back to back contractions with no breather because it causes them to come on so strong. I talked with my nurse about this and she assured me that would not happen and that it would probably even be a few hours before I really felt anything.

It wasn't until about 8:00 after gradually increasing my dosage when I finally started to feel some contractions and they were like clock work. It is cool for me to feel them coming on and then looking at the monitor and seeing it adjust as well. These contractions were something I could definitely handle on my own through breathing.

Even though I was having contractions, I was hardly making any progress and at midnight it was decided to take me off of the Pitocin, let me rest, and they would start it back up again at 5:30 am. I really struggled with moving forward again with another round but ultimately decided to.

So 5:30 came, I was given more of the cervigel and we waited to see what would happen. The nurse thought that after that time my cervix had softened more and we proceeded with pitocin around 10:00 am.

Almost immediately, I could feel that this round of pitocin was different. My contractions were stronger and more regular. Every time I was checked, I was progressing as well.

That afternoon, my contractions were becoming stronger and almost unbearable. I asked what options there were for pain management and my doctor told me I could do an IV pain reliever until I reached 4 cm in which I could then do an epidural. The IV drugs I received were awesome! I could still feel the contractions but not nearly like before. The downside to these is that they wear off after about an hour.

Around 4:30 or so I was in the middle of breathing through a contraction and thought I felt my water break. I called my nurse and she checked me. Her first reaction was no, and then all of the sudden I felt a huge gush! As gross as it may sound, that was probably the most excited I have been because however it was going to happen, I was going to have this baby soon!

I eventually got an epidural which was AMAZING! I don't know if I could have done it (I guess I would have had to) without it. I was progressing and everything was smooth sailing. We were determined to have this baby!

And then I hit a wall. I was stuck at 8 cm for about 3 and a half hours and nothing was happening. It was time for my doctor to make a decision: Continue with pitocin or just get a c-section. As much as I didn't want a c-section, I had a few things to consider. During my labor, we actually had to take me off the pitocin because it was stressing Caroline out. Her oxygen levels would drop and she just needed a break. Also, when my water did break, there was merconium (baby poop) in the fluid. This is relatively common as a pregnancy progresses, but babies run the risk of inhaling it the further past term they go. Because I didn't want to put her under more stress and and risk her inhaling the merconium, we moved forward with the c-section.

From making that decision to her actually being delivered was a very quick turn around. She was born at 6:31 am (exactly 48 hours from when we first checked in) and she was, and still is, perfect.

I think the worst part about having the c-section was how doped up I was after but the anesthesiologist did a good job of making that feeling wear off rather quickly. Between such little sleep, the drugs, and being a new mom, it just felt like an out of body experience. Was this perfect angel really ours?

Both Adam and I are so lucky to have such a beautiful little girl. She has already made me experience a love like I have never felt before and I cannot believe we made her. She is simply amazing.

Stay tuned for pictures and what her first few days at home have been like.

I guess I will write one last one before Baby C arrives...Happy 41 Weeks (Almost)

She sure is taking her sweet time. I was almost positive that with how busy I was with work over the past two weeks, she would have been at least on time. No such luck!

To recap:

• The semester started on August 26th and it has been a whirlwind since
• Since I was so busy and not taking care of myself as well as I should have, I went to the hospital five days before my due date because I was super dizzy and nauseous. It was determined that my blood pressure was elevated (it usually on the low end of normal) and I was dehydrated. 
• The following day was the kick off to sorority recruitment. Luckily one of my other colleagues was around to keep my relaxed and to help out in case I went in to labor early. She truly was a Godsend during that time. 
• I then had my 40 week doctor's appointment in which I lost two pounds, progressed none, and she guessed that the baby was weighing right around 7 lbs. 
• With my lack of sleep and rest during recruitment, my boss and I discussed me splitting up my work between the office and home. I am truly grateful for how flexible she is and I was actually more productive working from home. I will continue to split up my work until I go into labor. 

So this leads me to this weekend. As uncomfortable as I have been, I am truly grateful to have an unexpected last weekend alone with Adam. It has been filled with sleeping in, watching football, having breakfast and dinner dates, and doing some last minute picking up around the apartment. I am trying to cherish this while I can.

My next appointment is in two days. If I don't have her by then (I am doubtful), we will schedule an induction which I am hoping will be for Wednesday or Thursday.

• How far along? 41 Weeks (never thought I would say that!)
• Total weight gain/loss: Total weight gain: 20 lbs. I can't believe how much I gained in the last 10 weeks (I was at only 8 lbs during that appointment). 
• Maternity clothes? Oh yes!
• Stretch marks: Ugh....
• Sleep: Earlier this week I slept completely through the night. I don't even know how that happened. It still is hit or miss. The past few nights I consistently wake up around 4:00 am really hungry!
• Best moment this week: Adam and I had a great weekend together!
• Miss Anything? Wearing my wedding ring.
• Movement: Oh yes and sometimes it is to the point of being uncomfortable. 
• Food cravings: Not really anything
• Anything making you queasy or sick: Nope
• Gender: GIRL!!!
• Labor Signs: A couple weeks ago was having contractions-not really anything recently. I have been feeling a lot more pressure thought. 
• Symptoms: Lots of acid reflux and I have been super swollen. Shoes and sandals that used to be a little loose are now tight! 
• Belly Button in or out? Still in
• Wedding rings on or off? Off :(
• Happy or Moody most of the time: Pretty happy most of the time! 
• Looking forward to: Meeting our baby girl!

A Baby-related, non-baby post...

Not sure if the title makes sense but I will give it a go.

I have mentioned previously that when I got pregnant, I wasn't satisfied with my body but it happened and we were happy regardless. Fast forward 9 months and I am terrified of what my body will look like after the baby is born. Fortunately, all of the weight I have gained (20 lbs) has just been in my mid section and hips but with that I have gotten A LOT of stretch marks (stop reading if this is bothering you because it bothers me having to write about it) on my stomach. This somewhat came as a surprise to me because of what I have read about them. Like most teenage girls, I got stretch marks on parts of my breasts going through puberty and my inner thighs and hips from growth spurts. They all have faded drastically and are hardly noticeable. So because of my "history" with stretch marks, I should have known there might be a possibility but, like most pregnant women, I started slathering my body with Bio-Oil and Cocoa Butter hoping this would prevent them. I have also managed my weight gain fairly well which I thought contribute to preventing them. However, regardless what measures I took, they still crept up and I still have them and they are BAD!

The light at the end of the tunnel with this is that the ones I have had in the past have faded so I am hoping for the same with these. I am also hoping that as I lose the weight gained, they won't be as noticeable...hopefully!

So this brings me to my next point. Since becoming pregnant, ironically, all I have wanted to do is start working out and losing weight. I think of the kind of mother I want to be and the kind of role-model I want to be and it isn't what I currently am. I want to have a ton of energy and lead a healthy example for my daughter.

Recently, I have been reading some really great blogs on weight loss, fitness, and nutrition. Reading about women who have lost as much weight or more than what my goal is has become inspirational and has given me motivation for once the baby is born.

I know working out will have to hold off until I get the go ahead from my doctor but I think I can at least start to walk regularly with the baby a couple weeks after I deliver. I also know breastfeeding, if eating right, can really aid in losing the weight as well.

Besides giving baby updates, I am going to use this blog as an update for weight loss to hold me accountable and I have outlined some pretty broad goals below that I think are fairly attainable.

By Christmas: Be back to pre-baby weight. I think this is very realistic and attainable through breast feeding, eating well, and moderate work outs.

By June 2014: My goal is to have lost an additional 60 lbs! EEK! I hope I am not setting myself up for failure with that one! I might have to see how working towards my first goal goes and then adjust that one!